I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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