I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
