Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
