Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
