Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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