sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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