i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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