just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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