Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
did i just pee glitter
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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