Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
