We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
