I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
