he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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