I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
