The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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