Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
