I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
