Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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