yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
