You're earring is so big in my mouth
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
