I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
