The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
