Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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