I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize