im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
