does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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