you would pick up someone in the library
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize