is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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