Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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