So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
