i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize