Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
