He asked me if I "almost moaned"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
