After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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