He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
