Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
