Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize