I like to think it a success when the cops are called
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize