I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
