so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
