The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
