He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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