Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
