I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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