i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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