I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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