I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Only a mothe r could love this liver
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
