Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize