two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
