I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
