So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
