Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
