We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
