I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
