i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
