Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
