9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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