he shaved USA in his pubs
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
