Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
