Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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