Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
