how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
