I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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