how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My ATM looks so different sober.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
