i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
