question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
