Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
