It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
