are you still at the devil's house?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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