I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
