i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and she was petting her beer can
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
