Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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