So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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